The Death Of a Hypochondriac.

Say’s it all really.

Either the hypochondria in me will die. It will be defeated by the end of writing this blog.

Or I will die as a result of some disease that has been festering inside my body whilst living the, oh so joyous, life of being a hypochondriac.

That or a sudden cardiac event most probably.

I don’t expect this blog to be read by anyone. Im not entirely sure I want anyone to read it.

That’s maybe a lie.

On the ‘off-chance’ someone does happen upon this blog, then you might find it all slightly amusing.

Living the life of a hypochondriac is hard work. It’s a full-time occupation. I am hoping by the end of this blog it will be more of a part-time hobby, if that.

Maybe, I will exceed all expectations and achieve a level of sanity, normality – that every day, I enviously persuade myself, everyone else lives.

‘My isms’

Just so you know,  my train of thought may be interrupted from time to time by ‘my isms’. Pretty often to be precise.

‘My isms’ are my Health Anxiety (HA) symptoms. But I will just call them, my isms. I guess, they are my set of ‘beliefs’ or ‘persuasions’ – they flash into my head out of nowhere and then take hold of my whole sense of self, sometimes fleetingly but more than often for a lot longer than that. Anyway, you will notice them throughout this blog. Thats just the way it is.

Plot

What’s the plot?

Well, this plan is a full recovery. Being a hypochondriac day to day, is like living life full of contradictions, irony and conflict. It’s very tiring.

By spending time, typing away on this blog – perhaps there will be some huge revelation? My mind might just rewire itself and I can halt this continual slide into an adrenaline fuelled abyss.

Perhaps not.

Im just going to get on with it and see.

Layout

It’s going to be a ‘diary’ type blog. Bit like Adrian Mole or Bridget Jones. That kind of thing.

So no chapters. Just entries.

Chapters mean I have to kind of pre-plan everything don’t I? Each chapter has to have a purpose or a direction. Im not sure I can achieve that.

My life doesn’t have chapters. It has entries. One entry might be the same as the other with superficial differences.

Perhaps I will introduce Chapters later on? If there appears to be a direction or some kind of defining change of path. I think that makes sense.

My hands are freezing. Why is that?

Cold house. Poor circulation?

Evidence again of my impending Heart Attack.

Cigarette Break (CB).

My hearts racing after that.

Okay, so that’s my isms. They interrupt the flow of my day. Often taking hold of my day like some kind of cloud that floats above my head and drops down every so often to cause everything to become a bit foggy.

Not sure if that is a good way of describing it.

Let me see if I can think of a better way..

It’s a bit like having another person in your head. A voice that pops in and has a conversation with you. The person isn’t very welcome but is your friend at the same time. I say friend because you are so used to that person being there all the time.

That sounds like there is something seriously wrong with me?

Maybe, there is something really wrong with me. Maybe Im schizophrenic?

No, its normal isn’t it?

See, this is the problem. It’s the way I think. I have always thought like this. But for some reason, it’s a lot worse than it used to be. I can usually rationalise these thoughts. Pretty much always – eventually.

But for that time when it’s not rationalised its like being stuck in a lift and you don’t know when those doors are going to open. Bringing those isms back to a place which is ‘normal’ or ‘rational’ is a work in progress lets just say.

Going to have to go. Kids school run coming up. This is a hurdle. Impending sense of doom, not from the kids being home – it’s the having to go out the house bit and maybe chat to some other people without having to introduce the ‘one elephant, two elephants..’.

Here we go..